I was showering this morning, washing off the filth from yesterday's commute, when I noticed my technique. First I massaged my face with soap, then moved on to my neck, chest, armpits, crotch, ass, and ended at my feet. I did this without thinking about it, but now that I was, I remembered when I … Continue reading I don’t want athelete’s foot on my junk
The urge to puke hit me in the gut like a brutal body shot. I was halfway through a group boxing class where we had been switching exercises at a laughably fast pace. Squats! Heavy bag! Convulsions! Our instructor, a former boxer and current psychopath, was hell-bent on seeing us quit or drown in a … Continue reading Fart Boxing
I recently moved from New York City to Philadelphia and let me tell you it was a real pleasure cruise. Moving was not only easy but also cheap. I may move again just for the fun of it. In case you can’t get a sense of my tone from reading this, I'm being … Continue reading I don’t like to move it move it
photo credit: brightside.me Years ago I was surprised to learn what celebrity I look like. My dad was visiting me in NYC, and he took me to lunch at the Blue Water Grill. I was a young man in my early twenties with longer hair, overweight, and broke. Thinking back on it now, I don't know … Continue reading Celebrity lookalike
When someone begins a conversation with “I had the craziest dream last night” I typically look for the nearest exit. A friend from work, let's call him Matt because that's his name, told me he had a dream about me. I ignored my instincts and asked to hear more. It wasn’t because I cared about … Continue reading The interpreter of dreams
When trying to break into an industry, it’s best to know somebody in the business or use a crowbar.