Ass powered

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I was thinking about the word “ass.” It’s a really versatile word. Ass has the power to emphasize, even change the meaning of, almost anything.

You can have a nice ass, which is good.

You can be an ass, which is bad.

If you’re sarcastic, you’re a wise ass or a smart ass. Both are compliments until you put an ass on the end of them (sorry for the pun).

If you’re stupid, you’re a dumb ass.

If you haven’t been exercising, you feel like a fat ass.

If you’re skinny, then someone may have called you bony ass.

If you behave like a fool, you’re a horse’s ass.

Does the horse of an ass act more foolishly than say that of a squirrel or a deer? I suppose horse’s ass has a better ring to it, especially when you hear someone from a western say it. “You’re acting like gal darn horse’s ass!”

When you don’t want to be blamed for a mistake, you’re likely to cover your ass.

Making the same mistake means you’re a smacked ass.

Frequently disregarding other’s feelings may get you labeled an asshole. The hole of the ass is far worse than the whole ass because it likes to talk shit.

If you put in maximum effort, you’re working your ass off, which doesn’t seem worth it. I want to keep as much of my ass as possible which is why I prefer to do things half-assed.

When looking for a night of fornication, you want to get a piece of ass. More than one piece at a time makes you a glutton.

You may direct a friend to notice someone’s backside and say look at that ass.

You may want to kick someone’s ass for looking at your ass or the ass of your partner.

However, if you’re a lazy ass, you may need a kick in the ass to get off your ass.

If you’re disrespectful, you may be called a punk ass. If your actions are unforgivable, the word bitch may be added, i.e., “punk ass bitch.” In this case, someone may be out to get your ass. So, you better watch your ass.

Are you oblivious? If so, you’ve got your head up your ass.

You’re inept then you’re an ass clown.

Getting your prostate checked means a finger in your ass.

If you’re silly to the point of being an annoyance, you’re an ass hat. Ass chapeau, ass cap, and ass lid while proper synonyms are more clumsy. Check out horse’s ass mentioned earlier for the importance of alliteration.

Incidentally, the image of a hat on an ass is funny at first, but over time an ass hat is a distraction and makes it difficult to sit.

When your tough you’re considered a bad ass and any moment you could open a can of whoop ass. However, if you’re timid, you may be known as a candy ass, which is not as sweet as it sounds.

You can also bet your ass, but if you lose, someone may need to save your ass.

Yep, you can get a lot out of the word ass. Where you have to be careful is what you put into it.

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